Then exactly three years ago today, my first pregnancy came to an abrupt end at about 18 weeks along. My first little boy, Arrow, came into the world a few weeks too early to survive. It had been a completely normal pregnancy. I'd just gotten my quad screen blood test results back with no anomalies. We were about a week or so away from the detailed ultrasound. Despite trying hard to find them, there were no answers: the doctors were never able to tell us what went wrong.
It still really hurts to think about the details. It was such a traumatic experience to miscarry so late. I went to counselling to deal with the grief & didn't blog at all through the painful summer & fall that followed. When I got pregnant for the second time, I started writing here again, still privately. I had more anxiety than the first time, though less than I'd expected. Getting past 18 weeks was a huge milestone & I breathed a sigh of relief after that.
|At Botanical Beach, June 2009|
Despite the sadness of passing Arrow's anniversary, I really did have fun my last trimester, going to prenatal aquafit & enjoying the summer, since I wasn't working. However, it wasn't until I was only about two weeks from Sprout's due date that I opened the blog up to you all to read.
June 4, 2011 came & went without a trip to the island. Busy with my almost 10-month-old & a course at SFU, I let it slide. We won't be going to Botanical Beach around Arrow's anniversary this year either, but I haven't forgotten him. Though I do think of him often, I don't associate Arrow with every post I write here. Nonetheless, he's the reason the blog exists.
The Sprog has really evolved in the last couple of years. Since then, I've become much more serious about writing; it's been over seven months since I started blogging daily. I have readers in North America, Europe, Africa, Asia & Australia. I've found work & met people because of this blog. Who knows what the future will hold for the Sprog?