There are so many things that delight me about having a newborn. Looking
down a a tiny little face, brow scrunched up with the effort of opening
her small mouth wide around my nipple. The unmistakable scent of her
downy head. Seeing my & her papa's features combined & expressed
in miniature. Hearing her assert herself with a grunt. Watching her
calm down at the touch of her father or the sound of her brother's
It's not all cuteness & prime time ready family
vignettes, however. I'm again faced with a baby who isn't feeding that
well or gaining weight as fast as she should. The fact that my
body might not be able to do better than last time, which saw us
supplementing with formula for about 20% of Sprout's needs, frustrates
me to tears multiple times a day. Every time she fusses, I worry it's
because she's hungry.
But when I was dressing her in one
of our stash of hand-me-down sleepers, I remembered where it came from.
This tiny yellow velour sleeper was one of three that I bought when I
was pregnant with our first baby, Arrow, in 2009. I chose neutral colours because
I didn't yet know his gender. Unfortunately, I found out not long after
when he came into the world at just 18 weeks gestation.
went through months of grief, wondering if I would ever have a child. I
could hardly look at pregnant women without crying & I couldn't
face my sister, who was pregnant with twins, due a week before Arrow had
been. A little over four years later, here I am with the two I wanted.
As sleep-deprived & emotional over the breastfeeding challenges as I
am right now, I have two healthy children who I am so immensely