Take your Blog to Book with BookWright by Blurb

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Blog to book with Blurb's Bookwright!

I've been writing here at Spokesmama, formerly The Sprog for about seven years now. Though I've had the best intentions, I've been rather haphazard with printing photos & creating scrapbooks as the kids have grown from newborns to little people that they are now. I have put a lot of effort into this digital space, but sometimes I'd just like it to be more tangible.

So I was pretty excited to hear about one of Blurb's latest book creation tools. Blurb offers a new feature that helps bloggers to take content from their site & easily slot it into a template to create a real, actual book you can hold in your hands. This new feature accepts just about any blog building tool, including Blogger, Wordpress, & Squarespace, pulling text & images directly into the tool.

Sounds too good to be true, right? Seriously, though, it isn't. You have total control by converting blog pages into your own print-ready layouts with BookWright’s help. I'm really into the idea as a way to create that baby book I'd neglected, but this tool is a great opportunity to build your business brand or create profit opportunities from content you already have by making a digital or print book. Can't wait to try it--stay tuned for a review in future...

Learn more about BookWright right here.

**I was compensated for this post. This post also contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Thanks for supporting Spokesmama! 

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Baby-led weaning at its worst?

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I love the independence Sprout has when he eats. More often than not, we can just sit together & eat a meal without too much intervention on my part. I marvel at the dexterity he's developed & really get a kick out of seeing him taste new things. However, it can be rather messy. Somehow, he got prune spread everywhere in a matter of minutes, including his hair, which usually escapes (mostly) goop-free.

Moments after this photo was taken, Sprout pulled off his too-long baby leggings & covered them with more prune goop too. 

Top-up

We are still giving Sprout a little formula every night after he breastfeeds, before he goes to bed. I pump each night before I go to sleep, usually getting a couple ounces. We add one scoop worth of formula (70mL) to my milk & that goes into a bottle for him. I can't believe we're almost finished with the formula top-ups now. We've gradually cut back since he started solids, making sure he was gaining weight well. I think we might be able to drop the formula entirely soon, as this little guy is a champion eater.
Eight months ago, I wasn't sure if I was going to ever get anywhere near producing enough milk for him. We were offering him formula EVERY feeding, some days he likely drank only about half breast milk. I was pumping at least six times a day after feedings as well. Every feeding took a lot of time & effort. So many times I wondered if it was worth the hassle & thought about how much easier my life would be if I gave up breastfeeding & switched to formula. I set a goal to breastfeed until he was three months old.
Then we reached three months & I was still supplementing, trying to cut back on the formula to stimulate my milk production. After a few months of weekly weigh-ins & much stress, I settled at producing about 80% of his milk needs.
It's been a long & winding road, but I'm glad I stuck with breastfeeding. Despite all the pain of cracked nipples, bad latches, thrush, poorly fitting pump shield & bites, I love it. The closeness, the calming effect, the health benefits for both of us, the price... These days my breastfeeding goal is to go as long as Sprout wants to. Given that he' still feeding about five times a day, I think we'll be doing this for another year or so. :)

Breakfast!

Today we introduced a morning meal into the solid food  schedule. I started with dinner at six months, added lunch at seven months & breakfast at eight. We're going to have to really be on top of things with three meals a day to feed him, on top of five to six breastfeeds plus a bottle or two top-up. I kinda feel like all I do is feed him--I suspect it's going to add up to about four or five hours a day with breakfast in there. Just feeding this kid is a part-time job, to say nothing of preparing meals & cleaning him up afterward.

Nap time

Sprout, napping the way he does best: in his stroller. I've tried putting him in his crib when he's tired, before he's tired & except for a few times, months ago, he's refused to sleep. I've tried nursing him to sleep & transferring him to the crib when he's soundly conked out in my lap. He wakes up immediately upon touching the mattress & pitches a fit. I often just let him sleep in my lap, but he doesn't sleep more than one 40-minute cycle that way.
So we go out for a walk once a day at least, around naptime, & he generally sleeps for an hour & a half or longer in his trusty Uppababy. I can't complain too much about the naps, though, because he sleeps well at night. He goes down easy & sleeps ten hours uninterrupted most nights.
Have any of you got a baby with a daytime crib nap aversion? What did you do to get your babe napping in their bed?

Food, glorious food!

I've been a bit negligent about updating this blog lately. Sorry, my dear readers! My excuse is that I've spent a whole lot of the last month feeding Sprout. We started him on solids a day or two after he was six months old. Despite adding one meal, then two into his daily breastfeeding 'routine', I'm not feeding him any less, in fact, I think he's breastfeeding more often, some days.

I can't remember where I heard about Baby Led Weaning, but it really sounded like a good idea to me. Once I read Gill Rapley & Tracey Murkett's book, I was convinced of the benefits. BLW is basically a fancy new term for how people used to introduce solid foods, before blenders & baby food mills, before pablum. We just give our child appropriate finger food & let him feed himself. No purees, no straining, no jars of baby food. He will eat as much as he needs to, just like he breastfeeds as much as he needs to. He'll also learn how to pick up the food with his fingers, manipulate it with one or both hands, then how to chew, bite & move it around in his mouth with his tongue. BLW follows the natural development of the child: when he was able to sit up straight on his own in a chair (& thus avoid things falling back into his throat the way they would if he were reclined), able to grab things then put them in his mouth & the tongue-thrust reflex was gone (so he wouldn't automatically push anything out that went in, the way all newborns do) he was ready to start eating.

When I mentioned appropriate foods, I meant pieces sized so that he can grab half & eat the other half, no really small things until later on & nothing so hard that it requires teeth to crunch up. So far we've fed Sprout:

• steamed broccoli spears
• mango slices
• steak
• steamed yams
• steamed carrot
• rice cereal
• mashed chickpeas
• rice cake chunks
• steamed cauliflower
• roasted potato wedges
• pear, both cooked & raw
• steamed sweet potatoes
• sauteed chicken breast
• Mum-mums
• apple, both cooked & raw
• plain yogurt
• banana
• avocado
• curried green pepper

With fruit & potatoes, I leave some of the skin on to make the pieces easier to grip. For softer things like avocado & yam, the easiest way for Sprout to eat it is to load up a spoon for him & then hand him the spoon. He grabs it & stuffs it into his mouth, occasionally taking the scenic route by way of his ear &/or cheek. That said, he actually isn't that messy when he eats. I have been meaning to make him a few sleeved bibs to cover up his clothes, but so far we've been managing by just rolling up his sleeves & putting a 'normal' bib on him.

Another aspect of BLW that I like is the emphasis on exploration & truly experiencing food. Theoretically, because Sprout is eating many different textures during a critical period of development, he'll be a more adventurous eater as an older child & even in adulthood. The fact that he's learning early how to move food around in his mouth will help prevent him from choking later too. I know from babysitting experience & other parents' stories that spoon feeding babies often involves a lot of power struggles & trying to trick the child into eating another mouthful. With BLW this doesn't really happen because the child controls their own food intake. Sprout has only reacted with glee to most food we offer him. His most negative reaction thus far has been indifference. When we gave him steak, he picked it up twice, sucked on it, then left it, preferring to mash up his yams & suck them off his fingers.

The skills he's learned in just a month of eating 'real' food are awesome: he has gotten much better at using his spoon; he can pick up different sizes & shapes of food, he's started to be able to bite pieces off; when he grabs food awkwardly & can't get it into his mouth, he will use his other hand to adjust the piece so he can bite or suck on it; he's actually starting to be able to drink a substantial amount of water out of a cup when I hold it for him. His pincer grip is coming along too: I think he'll be picking up cheerios & blueberries soon!

Baby's gotta eat

Monday Sprout ticked off a new box in our list of places he's breastfed: the public viewing gallery of the BC Legislature, as the Lieutenant Governor entered (we all had to stand up) for the throne speech. I've decided to compile a list of everywhere interesting that he's nursed. Sadly, we rarely take pictures when he's eating, so I have little photographic evidence. ;) Here's my list so far:

• BC Ferries to Victoria & Bowen
• a number of public transit buses around Vancouver
• probably every cafe I've been to in the past six months
• in the front row of a Vancouver Giants hockey game
• various friends' house parties & barbeques
• outdoors at the Vancouver German Christmas Market (brr...)
• in several shopping mall seating areas, food courts & once a "parents' room" (blech, wouldn't use that again)
• the hallway of some random UBC building we went into while walking through the campus
• the offices of my chiropractor, doctor, midwives
• during mom & baby fitness classes
• in one or two public libraries
• while eating at far too many fast food restaurants

As you can tell, Sprout gets around & he eats wherever we happen to be. Besides the fact that I feed him on demand & can't really plan for when exactly his feedings are going to be, I believe every woman should feel comfortable breastfeeding in public. I hope if other women see me doing it, they will feed their babies everywhere too. I hope if girls see me doing it, they'll learn what their breasts are supposed to be for. I hope if everyone else out there sees me doing it they'll start to think of it as normal & positive if they don't already.

What interesting places have you breastfed or seen someone breastfeeding?

Leaps & bounds

A week ago, at the Ravensong baby group, I sat Sprout on the mat in front of my leg & he fell over. He was unable to sit up for more than five seconds without needing me to stabilize him. Today he sat up for three minutes on his own! I know this not because I was timing him, but because I filmed it. I'll spare you the "director's cut" & just post the end where he plays with his toy & then does a face plant into some tummy time. (Don't worry: he's on a thick blanket on a foam mat. No head injuries!)

What's really exciting to me is what the next developmental step is: solid food! Now that he can sit up fairly well, is reaching for things & bringing them to his mouth, he's ready to eat. I'm planning to try Baby Led Weaning, which is a fancy new term for a very old concept. He will pick up the food & eat it himself, no "brrrrr... here's the airplane, coming into the hangar" spoon-feeding. No purees, so he'll experience different textures & flavours, learning to manipulate the food in his mouth with his tongue. Theoretically this will encourage him to be more adventurous with food at a young age & when he's older too. Of course we're not going to be giving him granola or carrot sticks just yet, we'll stick to one food at a time & it'll be cooked & 'gummable'.
It'll take a few months before he's really eating significant quantities of food--the first while he'll just be playing & learning how to get it in his mouth, then how to get it to the back of his mouth & swallow it. I have high hopes that he'll basically be eating the same things we do within about six months.

Nap battle day

Aargh. Today was one of those days. Sprout went easily to sleep in his stroller when Papa took him out to the grocery store. His nap lasted one sleep cycle (for him: 40 minutes), as usual. About two & a half hours after he woke up, we tried to get him to go down for a nap again. Near an hour of screaming, patting & shushing later, he was still awake. In desperation, we tried the carrier. Papa walked around the block & returned with a sleeping Sprout. However, during the transfer from Beco to his crib, he started squawking again. Nooooo! By this point, he was due for another feeding again & latched on hungrily. As soon as he'd had some milk, he fell asleep at the breast. Realizing his diaper was due for a change, we tried to do that with a minimum of fuss. Not much luck--he was crying by the time his onesie was snapped up again. Oliver gave him his formula top-up & didn't go back to sleep. Sigh.

I've strapped him into the swing & after a few quiet renditions of "Mama's going to buy you a Mockingbird", he's calmed down, if not sleeping. Perhaps I can eat dinner while it's still hot.

A week ago, the naps were actually going well. We'd put him down in his crib & he'd fuss a bit, grumbling & protesting, but not always actually crying. After a little patting & shushing, he'd go to sleep. Not sure what's going on this week. It might be teething that's thrown him off, but he only shows signs of it once in a while. He's had the rosy cheeks sometimes for an hour or so. He gnaws on things whenever he can get them in his mouth. He's sometimes fairly drooly, but not today.

Tomorrow I think I'll try putting him down for his naps earlier. He might have gotten overtired & past that little window of opportunity today.

How's the napping going for all you mamas out there?

A dozen funny things

I've been compiling a list of odd little things my kid does. A lot of them make sense developmentally or I know other children do them, but it's hilarious to watch anyway.

1. When I look at him & smile or talk to him, he sometimes gets a big wide smile & then turns his head to hide his face in the shirt of whoever's holding him, like he's faking being shy.
2. He prefers playing with blankets to nearly anything else. A distant second are the plastic chain thingies. Probably because he can easily grab & manipulate them.
3. Says, "Hee hee hee hee!" when very hungry & he can see the nipple but hasn't got it in his mouth yet.
4. Doesn't show any right or left handedness yet, but always kicks a lot more with his right foot on the change table.
5. If in a seated position on a lap, on the floor, in the Bumbo or propped up on the couch, he'll do a slow-motion dive sideways. It's not that he's falling over, he's intentionally trying to lie down or go somewhere.
6. Lately when we've offered him the pacifier as we try to get him to nap in his crib, he takes it into his mouth, but doesn't suck, he just chews on it. It's quite hilarious how he furiously opens & closes his mouth like a little fish as he gums away at it. As soon as he gets teeth he'll probably chew the damn thing into bits... heh.
7. A month or two later than any other babies I know, he's finally discovered that he can grab & play with his feet.
8. Though he's at the lower end of the age range for his exersaucer & still requires a rolled blanket to prop him up in the seat, I had to raise the thing to the middle setting because he's so tall.
9. If he's wearing overalls & sitting up, he pokes his tongue out constantly to taste the bib part.
10. The brown hair he was born with has grown quite long, but most of it has fallen out except for the crown & a strip at the back of his neck. The top part looks like a comb-over, because even though he's grown a full head of hair, the new stuff is light blond.
11. Though we put him on his belly daily, often several times, he will still only tolerate it for about three minutes.
12. When being held in someone's lap, he does not like being reclined & usually fusses unless held sitting very upright.

What funny things do/did your kid(s) do? Or are there any odd things that you were told you did as a child?

The rollercoaster

Sigh. Still we go up & down on the rollercoaster of breastfeeding & supplementing. I thought we had it down pat with two bottles a day in the evenings. Sprout gained 11 ounces in two weeks. Then the next two week period he only gained five. This means he gained a pound in a month, which is on track, but I worry that he might not gain enough this week or next. Maybe the fact that I've gone back to school & am away from him for 5 hours twice a week is negatively impacting my milk supply?

Today we got down to Ravensong Community Health Centre's Infant Drop-in & weighed Sprout. He's gained a little over four ounces in the past week. At his age, he should be gaining about a pound a month, so that is just about perfect. Whew! The rollercoaster goes back up...

Pretty much every day I consider giving up & just feeding him formula. It would be a lot easier when I go to school. He'd probably eat a lot less frequently too, which would mean longer blocks of time to do things without having to worry about finding a good place to sit & feed him. I would be able to be away from him for long stretches, making it much easier to schedule 'me time'. I wouldn't have to always be the one to feed him--anybody could do it.

But I wouldn't be the only one who can feed him... he wouldn't need me in the way that he does now. I wouldn't have the magical power of the boob to soothe him, to lull him to sleep. I would give up the intensely physical symbiosis, no longer feeling the quick suckling trigger my letdown & hearing him start to gulp as I feel the electric sensation of my milk flowing faster.

When he's breastfeeding his behaviour is slightly different from bottle feeding. He pops off & gives me the hugest smiles, or starts to 'talk' to me briefly, then turns back & nurses a little more. He makes funny little nasal nom nom nom noises & he pats the top of my breast with his upper hand, grabs a handful of my scarf or shirt or puts his fingers to my mouth. When he's drinking from a bottle he'll crane his neck around a bit, but it's a tug of war to get that nipple out of his mouth. He's not going to stop & chat for a minute, he's just drinking it straight down.

A few months ago (but man, does it feel like years!) I was just trying to get through each feeding, then each day, then each week. I started thinking, "I'll just try to keep this up until he's three months old & reevaluate then." We got to three months & things were getting easier, so I set six months as my next milestone. Now that we're just a couple of weeks away from six months, I don't think I'm going to wean him just yet. My next milestone: I want to see if I can possibly stop the formula supplementation once we've gotten him eating well & actually taking in a good amount of calories from solids.

Whew!

It's been a while since I've written about the ongoing breastfeeding/weight gain drama. Three weeks ago Sprout was almost exactly 14 pounds. We were cutting back a bit on the formula top-ups & trying to breastfeed more. The following week, he'd gained virtually nothing. So I started nursing him to sleep & then doing a 'dream feed' in the early morning, about six hours later. I upped the supplementing, or tried to. Sprout started refusing any bottles most of the day until the evening.

With our history of feeding issues & weeks here & there where he didn't gain enough weight, I was worried he might not be gaining again. He was only taking about six ounces a day extra, which is what he was drinking the last week that he didn't gain anything. So I took him down to Ravensong today to check him on the scale where I last weighed him. & drum roll, please... he gained 11 ounces in the past two weeks! That is a little above & beyond the expected four to five ounces a week at his age, so he's caught up to the curve again on the growth chart. Whew!

So it seems we've found a routine that works: breastfeed on demand (about eight times a day), including nursing him to sleep, an early morning feeding & offering him as much as he wants from a bottle of organic formula twice in the evenings. This means I don't have to bring formula with me during the day when we go out, which is nice.

Sprout has found his squeak

The latest sounds to be added to the arsenal of noises this baby makes are squeaks, or maybe chirps might be a better description. He squeaks & squeals loudly to himself for a few minutes at  a time, several times a day. He's also started to make a high-pitched 'heek heek' noise when I'm taking too long to get the boob or bottle into his mouth. He's starting to really suit one of his nicknames: Little Maus.

Here's a video of last evening's squeal session.

Operatic Breastfeeding?

Lately I've noticed that Sprout acts hungry, then once in my lap with a boob at the ready, he's more interested in singing or craning his neck to look around than actually breastfeeding. His 'singing' sounds a bit like a really long yawn with some tongue articulation: haaooooowwwooooowooooaaayyy leyaaaaayyyeyaaaay liduuurrrrrliduurrrr ngehhyaayaay geh. I can only transcribe it for those of you who aren't lucky enough to catch it in person. He always stops when I try to catch it on video, sneaky boy!

Update: finally caught him, though this is more of a conversation than the long, drawn-out notes he sings at least once or twice a day.

Favourite Toys

a break from playing with blankie

Sprout's getting better at grabbing things & getting them into his mouth (where else would he put them?) on purpose, so he kind of likes his Sophie, but his favourite plaything of the moment is blankets. He grabs onto them with two little fists & lifts them up to look at them, bunches them up to shove in his mouth. He is a simple little soul. :)

Oh my god, he's asleep!

It's been difficult to get Sprout to sleep lately: napping during the day or going to bed at night. He used to just conk out wherever he was & we never really had to worry about naps or getting him to sleep. Now he gets tired after a couple of hours of being awake, then gets fussy & requires much cuddling, bouncing & will absolutely not let whoever's holding him sit down or stop moving. I love cuddling my little boy, but bouncing a fussing baby around for half an hour as he tires himself out is a bit of a chore when I'm really tired too.

Tonight, I decided to try something different. I waited until he seemed a bit sleepy but wasn't fussing yet, about two & a half hours after he'd woken up from his last nap. I brought him into our bedroom, laid him down in his bassinet without him crying (yay!) & zipped him into his sleep sack. Then I talked to him quietly & did some really simple massage, gentle downward strokes from his shoulders to his toes for a couple of minutes. That seemed to calm him even further, though he was still quite awake & looking around at the 'hood' part of his bassinet. (On a side note, I have no idea what he finds so fascinating about the tiny navy & white gingham printed cotton fabric of that thing). I then left the room. About ten minutes later, I heard a few small noises from the bedroom, but nothing really requiring attention. When Oli went back in about five minutes after that, he was asleep.

This is only once, I know & maybe he'll never go to sleep so easily again, but I will try the same thing tomorrow & keep my fingers crossed! Maybe, just maybe, my poor biceps will be able to take a bit of a break from the bouncing...

I'm off to bed now that Sprout's down. Just before I go, some questions for you out there: If you have kids, how do you get them to sleep? What is the bedtime routine? If you're an adult, do you still have a routine to get yourself to sleep?

And the rollercoaster heads back down again.

The verdict is in: supplementing  when we think he's still hungry isn't working. Linnaeus gained just over two ounces in eleven days. That is not good. He should have gained three or four times that much. I feel horrible, because we've been half-starving him for the last week & a half, when I thought he was getting enough. Our tactic was giving him formula just when he seemed hungry after breastfeeding. Evidently the lines of communication were not working & we have to supplement more than an ounce here & there.

I'm really feeling down about this because I was beginning to think that my milk supply might be catching up with Sprout's needs. I also feel horribly guilty for starving the poor little guy for the last eleven days. He did start to feed more frequently, which was part of the plan, but that apparently wasn't enough to stimulate more milk. Sigh. Back to the drawing board.

I still feel like he's getting enough in the first two or three feedings of the day, so I don't think we'll bother with a bottle top-up then. Today we offered the baby a bottle around two, before we went out, but he only wanted 15mL & then pushed the bottle out with his tongue. Maybe we'll just offer it in the afternoons & evenings when my milk supply is probably lower.

When we go to our appointment at the Vancouver Breastfeeding Centre next week, I hope he'll have gained more weight. Then I'll have a chance to ask some of the things I've been wondering about, like: is this it for my milk supply, or is it possible it might still go up a bit more? Could coming off the Domperidone have lowered my supply at the same time as we were giving him less supplement? When we start feeding him solid food, could that take the place of some or all of the formula we're currently topping him up with? It'll suck if I have to drag formula AND food around with me whenever I go out.

Second-guessing

I've enjoyed the last few days of breastfeeding. Sprout has fed a bit more frequently than he was doing before, although he's still all over the place--nowhere near a routine anymore. Today he seems hungrier than usual & I'm hoping that it's his three-month-old growth spurt. He's fed eight times in the last fourteen hours plus we've topped him up with formula twice this evening when he still wasn't satisfied after breastfeeding. He keeps falling asleep for about a half hour, then waking up again.

The last time he woke up suddenly with a squeaky little cry that he's done a handful of times. Maybe he had a bad dream? He was just sleeping on my lap, so I was able to scoop him up & hold him instantly. I like to think I'm a fairly empathetic person & I have many family members & friends that I really care about, but the pain I feel when my son cries is unbelievable. Not when he's just fussing because he's tired, or crying out of hunger when we're in the car or somewhere I can't immediately breastfeed him, but the rare occasions when he's really screaming.

Aside from the sleep deprivation that goes with breastfeeding a newborn, the thing that's most exhausting for me is the constant concern for his welfare. The word 'worry' doesn't really encompass how I feel when he cries, or the myriad of choices we have to make for his future. I'm constantly checking that he's not too warm or too cold & I still find myself listening for his breathing as he sleeps pretty much every day. It's a fine line to walk: trying to be confident & relaxed, to enjoy this, while still doing everything I can to be the best mother & make the right choices for him.

My main worry right now, which I'm trying to put out of my mind, is that Sprout's fussiness & seemingly insatiable hunger today is not a growth spurt, but possibly a sign that reducing the Domperidone dosage is adversely affecting my milk supply. I've decided to try to keep doing what we're doing: just breastfeeding & only topping up when he still wants more, typically once or twice in the afternoon or evening. I will wait until we weigh him in three weeks at our appointment with Dr. Lin at the Breastfeeding Centre. If he's gained a reasonable amount of weight--I think about 24 ounces is what he should be gaining--I will stop worrying that we're starving him.

Progress

Since Thursday I've applied some hindsight to Sprout's behaviour in the past few weeks. I have realized that there were some signs he may not have needed the top-up every time:

• He stopped opening his mouth & taking the bottle eagerly.
• When he didn't seem that interested, we'd persist at trying to feed him a bottle then he'd eventually take it after a few minutes.
• Sometimes he'd even push the nipple out with his tongue when we tried to get it in there & just refuse entirely. (I initially thought this was because the bottles were room temperature & he wanted it heated up)
• The day that we drove to Kelowna to visit Oma & Opa he refused the bottle completely--no matter what temperature it was--four out of six feedings . 
• He started spitting up more after every meal.
• He started to go four or even five hours between feedings during the day.
• He gradually took less & less during his 'first breakfast', to the point that we stopped even bothering with a top-up.
• The average amount of supplement he was taking was gradually declining over the past few weeks (yes, I graphed it)

It's a bit difficult to shift my mindset to one of believing that I really can feed him all by myself, with no extra formula. Since the first week that we had to start supplementing with formula or donor milk, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I would be hopeful that we'd eventually get off the formula & I could breastfeed exclusively. The next day I'd feel inadequate, depressed & sure that my breasts would disappoint me. I tried not to dwell on what I'd done wrong those first two weeks before we knew he wasn't getting enough, but it was hard not to blame myself. I couldn't see any progress most of the time & every small change would send me into a great mood or an emotional tailspin. My breasts leaked: yay! More milk! They didn't feel full before a feeding: no! Less milk! Sprout didn't want his top-up: yay! More milk! He drank four ounces of top-up at the next feeding: no! Less milk!

So with all that in mind, plus Dr. Lin's 'blessing', we are no longer offering his bottle of formula every time without fail. Thursday after the appointment, Linnaeus only wanted a top-up two out of four feedings. Friday he only had one bottle. Saturday he took a top-up once again, but only drank half of the two ounces we offered. He's feeding a bit more often during the day, but still sleeping fairly well at night. I no longer have 2-3 hours between feedings to do things or go places, but I couldn't be happier that this seems to be working so far.

The other change to our 'plan' is that I've cut my Domperidone dosage in half. There is a little niggling worry in the back of my mind that my milk supply is only due to the medication & I may not be able to make sufficient milk without it. Of all the drugs to become dependent on... Sheesh! But I'm trying to think positively, drink lots of water & Lactation Tea & get enough rest to help make more milk.

I've read that supplementing with formula has a detrimental effect on milk supply & eventually leads to weaning off the breast early. Now I think I understand completely why that is. If you constantly offer formula after every feeding, it's exhausting & sets the baby up to eat less frequently. Less frequent breastfeeding means your body will decrease milk production accordingly & you'll keep having to feed as much, if not more formula. I imagine that losing faith in your body's ability to produce enough to feed your child must also negatively affect milk production. After struggling with breastfeeding, bottle feeding then pumping for weeks or months, I'm not surprised that women decide to just bottle feed formula for their own sanity. AND a lot of women have doctors or family or friends who probably don't support breastfeeding as much as they should.

Breastfeeding this little boy is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life. Not the hardest, but it's up there. If my months of struggle are rewarded & I never again have to give my money to Nestle for baby formula, I will be incredibly happy.

The latest from Breastfeedingland

Yesterday I had an appointment in the afternoon & Sprout was going to need to eat after I had to leave, so I decided to try pumping before I left. I also wanted to see how much milk I could get out, as I'd never pumped except after a feeding. I confirmed what I'd suspected for a while: my right side produced only about half what my left side did. I only ended up with about 105mL, which is a bit less than Sprout probably needs per feeding, so I was a little sad about that. However, it was nice to finally know why I haven't had enough milk--one breast just can't produce enough. I resigned myself to supplementing, hoping to be able to continue the breast + bottle routine for another three months or so.

Today we had an appointment at the Vancouver Breastfeeding Centre. It's been three weeks since we last went & I was looking forward to telling Doctor Lin what I'd figured out yesterday then seeing what her suggestions were. We weighed Little L when we arrived, discovering that he'd gained 20 ounces in 21 days: right on track! Then I fed him on each side, weighing him twice more to see how much he was getting from each breast. This is what the doctors call a test feeding--the only way to know how much Linnaeus is drinking when he breastfeeds. The results were great: 5890g, 5947g & 6024g. He got about two ounces from my 'bad' side, then nearly three from my 'good' side. Dr. Lin was impressed & said that with a feeding like that, I no longer qualify as having a low milk supply!

We also talked about how much supplemental formula Sprout's taking. He rarely seems all that hungry after breastfeeding & we've all but stopped bothering with a bottle for his 'first breakfast'. Sometimes he flat-out refuses to drink from the bottle we offer: when we put it to his lips, he pushes it away with his tongue. Occasionally he humours us briefly & sucks a little bit of formula, only to spit it all out a few seconds later with a grin. He's also been feeding less frequently--sleeping through the night & sometimes going four or five hours between feedings during the day. Dr. Lin said it seems he might be taking the formula just because it's there & we are fairly persistent about offering it to him. If we just don't offer it unless he seems to be still hungry, he might start breastfeeding a bit more frequently. Higher demand might further increase supply. More importantly though, it would mean I might not have to always have a bottle, boiled water & powdered formula with me, at the ready every time I go out.

I came away from the appointment today incredibly happy. It's been my dream for over two months now to achieve exclusive breastfeeding without supplementing. I've fought through tears from pain when my nipples were cracked & bruised. I've wrestled with a flailing baby, desperately trying to get him to latch properly so he could drink deeply. I tried tickling him, poking him, rubbing his feet, cool wet cloths, anything to keep him awake & drinking. Day & night for a week both Oli helped me struggle with a lactation aid, feeding a tiny tube into the corner of Sprout's mouth as he nursed, so that he'd get supplement while stimulating more milk. I've tried herbal tincture, lactation tea, Domperidone & Guinness to increase my milk supply. I fed Sprout every time he asked for it, then pumped for at least ten minutes after every single feeding, even when I was away from home. I've worked for it: I really want this.

Besides the fact that breastfeeding is more convenient than formula feeding, it's better for Linnaeus: my milk is perfectly balanced nutritionally for his needs & easier for him to digest than something based on cow's milk or soy. I know Sprout would be fine even if he got no more breast milk at all--as a baby I was fed on formula only, as was my husband & many of our generation--we turned out fine. However, if I could stop using formula, I wouldn't have to worry about expiration dates or product recalls. I'd love to leave behind the never ending bottle-washing, sterilizing & keeping track of how long prepared formula has been in the fridge or at room temperature.

Another reason I keep breastfeeding is emotional: I love the bonding with my baby when I hold him against my ribs & watch his little face. I like the relaxing oxytocin haze that I often get while nursing. It's an amazing feeling to be able to instantly calm this little child when he's tired, cranky or just got his first vaccinations. I believe that the benefits of breastfeeding to babies (decreased chance of allergies, eczema, asthma, increased immunity, lower chance of being obese, better cognitive, social & psychomotor development, etc) as well as their mothers (lower incidence of breast, uterine & ovarian cancer, faster loss of 'baby weight', lessens osteoporosis, etc) are worth promoting. I think that if the women who are able to breastfeed did so for at least the first year or two of their baby's life, we might have a whole generation of healthier adults. Imagine the long-term consequences of that on the health care system!

I believe strongly that all mothers should be made comfortable to feed their babies in public. Forget the Udder Covers, Hooter Hiders & all the other brands of tent that women use to 'spare' the general public a glimpse of breast while feeding their infants. This is a political issue to me: I refuse to use one of those things, although I was given one, because I feel I should not have to hide my son under a curtain, or worse, feed him in a public toilet. He has the right to eat wherever & whenever he needs to & I have the right to breastfeed him where & when I choose. I think that my doing so as much as possible might encourage other women to do the same & also normalize it for whoever might be watching.

Well, that's enough ranting for me & now you've all got an update, I'll sign off.